being vulnerable

Recently I went down to a very familiar territory for the three of us here at Everything is OK.  I went to a place where we spent one week out of every summer through much of our youth – I went to Falls Creek.  If you are not familiar, it is a huge church camp in Oklahoma that is put on by the Southern Baptist Convention.  This year, the camp ran for eight weeks.  Each week there is around 5000 kids at the camp.  It is a huge camp.  A lot of things have changed since I attended almost 13 years ago, but the overall aspect of it was the same.

While I was there, I engaged in some conversations with people in the cabin we were visiting.  Many of the conversations were light hearted and fun, but a couple were serious in nature.  One of the biggest conversations I got into was, of course, about politics and religion, as well as The Bible and its place in both of those topics.  If you have followed our podcast at all, or have read the first couple of my posts, you have probably heard me talk about my journey with all of those topics.  I have openly questioned some interpretations of The Bible and have questioned what role, if any, religion should play into politics.

I say all that to say this.  I have discovered that being vulnerable with people is hard at times; however, being vulnerable with family and close friends is the hardest.  I didn’t realize that it would be when I first started this journey, but it certainly has turned out that way.  At first I couldn’t put my finger on why that was.  I thought it would actually be a bit easier because I know them so well, so I thought that the conversation would go a little smoother; however, this has proven to not be the case in most instances thus far.  When conversations have not gone very well, it has been more painful than I ever thought it would be.  Whether it be intentionally or unintentionally, when a friend or family member dismisses you, it cuts a little deeper.

It would be easy for me to say that somehow they are doing something wrong, and they need to look at what they are doing.  While this may be true, it is also true that I have done the same thing to my friends and family.  So instead of pointing a finger away from me, I think it is time to point a thumb right back at myself.  The most wonderful aspects of this podcast and blog is that I have been able to engage in some really amazing conversations with people that otherwise I probably would not have.  I have heard some incredible insight, but also been let in to some deep pain that others are feeling.  My hope is I will always approach each conversation with the care and love it deserves.  It is difficult to be vulnerable to others.  It takes courage and I want to make sure we honor that courage by truly listening and being able to discern what response, if any, is needed.

So, as we go into this weekend and on to next week, may we truly be there for those around us, be present in the moment, and not dismiss someone by not giving them your full attention.  May we understand that by someone letting themselves be vulnerable with you, they are telling you that they trust you.  May we show them the love that Jesus showed. 

Jesus did not dismiss anyone.  He did not turn them away. He challenged the overly religious who thought they knew everything.  He did not dismiss the hurting and vulnerable.  May we be more like him.

-brad

my hill to die on

Recently, we released a couple of episodes where two of our friends discussed their differences politically.  In these episodes, both used the phrase “my hill to die on.”  To be honest, that was the first time I had ever heard that phrase, and I found it interesting that both parties used it at different times.  At the time, I must confess I just could not figure out why both of them would use this phrase.  I mean, why such a violent metaphor to discuss whether or not a certain issue in politics is a person’s final stand?

A couple of days ago, I was speaking to a minister friend of mine while I was at my church.  The conversation started innocently, but soon more complex topics began to come to the surface.  As we were discussing these topics, my minster friend told me “You are very opinionated.”  If my memory serves me right, we were discussing white privilege, mass incarceration and the reality of race in America – all topics that I care deeply about.  In the moment, I brushed past the comment as I have been told this before.  Most of the time this phrase is used in a way to almost belittle me into thinking I am too emotional about the topic.  But I do not think that my minster friend meant it in this way.

So, it got me thinking.  What is my hill to die on?

Before I go any farther, I would like to confess something.  I am not the most intellectual person you will ever meet.  I am not a Bible scholar.  I am not a theologian.  Until recently, the Bible was confusing, infuriating and depressing to me.  But after having my eyes opened to the many levels the Bible possesses, I see it transcends time with some of its themes.  One of the main ones is love.

So, when my minster friend told me I was very opinionated, I actually took it as a compliment.  I had just got done saying I would fight for those who are being oppressed, even if (or especially if) they are being oppressed by the church.  The conversation had covered topics about the LGBT community, minority children who are told they are nothing by their jerk of a teacher, and more.  I got emotional multiple times, almost crying on more than one occasion, and I realized something…

THAT IS MY HILL TO DIE ON!!!

I will fight for those that others say are not worthy.  And that especially is the case if the Church is saying they are not worthy.  I am willing to be asked if “my faith is wavering” if that means I am standing up for those that some say are out of the tribe.  As I have studied more of the Bible and tried to understand the arc of most of the stories, one thing has jumped off the page to me: Love.  If anything is used to discriminate against others, I believe it is not of Jesus.  Jesus never turned people away.  He was about inclusion, not exclusion, and I pray that I may be about the same things.

Still Reading:

The Gifts of the Jews: How a Tribe of Desert Nomads Changed the Way Everyone Thinks and Feels  by Thomas Cahill

written by Brad Stair